Understanding the grieving process
Faced with a loss, human reactions are not only biological and emotional but also spiritual and sociological. The age of the bereaved is a major variable in the reaction to the loss, but sex and culture also play a role. The nature of the loss, its brutality and the support of those around one are all aggravating or contributing factors to the resolution of grief.
In order to face the loss of a loved one we must go through a period of sorrow which is in fact an expression of our difficulties with detachment. Little by little, we will have to revisit all of our memories as well as our projects and dreams, and in the end accept the sanction: « Never again ». But before travelling this road marked with considerable suffering, it is necessary to go through several stages in order to accept the news of an irreversible disappearance, to be ready to enjoy life again and start new projects.
The Stages of Mourning
(Excerpted from the Corporation de Thanatologues du Québec web site)
The five phases listed below may occur in order, but it often happens that a bereaved person may slip backwards before beginning to move forward again. A good way to get through a period of mourning is to understand what you are going through and to share your feelings and emotions with family or friends or with others who are going through the same ordeal.
Shock and Denial
This short phase of mourning occurs when we first learn of the loss. It is a less intense period that seems practically devoid of emotion. It is at the end of this short stage of mourning that the reality of the loss sinks in.
Anger
A phase characterized by a feeling of anger about the loss, and perhaps feelings of guilt in certain cases. It is a period of questioning.
Bargaining
A phase made up of negotiations, blackmail, etc.
Depression
A rather long phase in the mourning process that is characterized by great sadness, questioning and pain. Bereaved persons in this phase sometimes have the impression that their mourning will never end because they are experiencing a wide range of emotions and tremendous sadness.
Acceptance
The final stage in the mourning process, when the bereaved person begins to improve. The reality of the loss is much better understood and accepted. The bereaved person may still experience sadness, but is again able to function normally. He has reorganized his life in the light of the loss.
Warning: These stages do not necessarily always follow in the same order. It is not a process of inevitable progress. Even though some people can come out of mourning and go on to the final stage of freedom of action, the feelings they may be carrying cannot be trivialized.